Ask Ash: Relationship problems continue

Dear Ash,

Me and this guy have been on and off for almost three years. Not too long ago we got back together. But after that he didn’t call or text me and if he did, it was quick conversation that didn’t last very long, and that showed in no way possible that we were a couple. I asked him about it and he said he wanted to be an unofficial couple with a relationship. He has been known to be a bit of a player at school which leaves me with trust issues. He can be a bit of a jerk at times and he has bad habits and I sometimes feel like he does not deserve me. I love him the way he is. It’s just all I want is for him to at least slightly change his bad habits. He said he will try but I feel like we are becoming distant again and I am just about ready to give up on him. I care about him a lot and I know I always will, but I’m not sure if these feelings are love anymore or simply attachment to him. I want to know if he is worth investing my time into or if I am just wasting time as days go by?

-Hopeless Devoted Lover

Dear Hopeless Devoted Lover,

The most important thing in every relationship is trust. You should be with someone who never leaves you with doubts or questioning his actions. From what it seems, this guy just wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants to be with you yet be unofficial so that he has no commitment and is basically free to do what he wants. Three years is a long time, but sometimes you are only hurting yourself more by holding on. There comes a time in a lot of relationships when things get bad to the point where there is no more fixing. It is just time to move on. Maybe these feelings are not love anymore, and maybe he’s just simply all you are used to. Think things over and give it time. Even if it hurts right now, do what makes you happy.

Dear Ash,

I like a senior at Lane, and we are pretty good friends. I am an open person, so I told him I like him. He told me he likes me as a friend, but he acts like it is more than that. He said he liked me until he realized we had nothing in common going-out wise. He has only had one relationship and it was kind of forced and nothing happened. He said another reason is because he is going off to college and I am moving, so it is our last year here. I would kill to go to prom with him. Do you think he is just scared, or does he only like me as a friend? How can I prove to him that we do have things in common?

– Insanely Confused

Dear Insanely Confused,

Although you say he acts like he likes you more then a friend, there is still a chance that he may not. You do not need to have things in common with someone to be with them, because opposites attract. But maybe he is the type of person that wants a relationship with someone he is similar to. If this is the case then, honestly, you can not prove to him you have things in common if you simply do not. You can not change how he feels. Even if it hurts, sometimes we just have to accept how things are. The school year is coming to an end and you will both being going your separate ways. You said you guys are pretty good friends; do not mess that up. And about prom, if you really want to go with him, it doesn’t hurt to ask. Use the same courage you used to tell him you like him and just ask. Remember, do not change for anyone and do not get yourself all worked up over things if they do not go as planned. Good luck!

Dear Ash,

It is not very often that a good guy comes along, but I think I have finally found one. If the American dream took the form of a 17 year old boy, it would be him. He is sweet and sincere and always puts butterflies in my stomach. Not to mention he is totally cute. Our relationship is flawless with the exception of one problem: I think he might be gay. Compared to the other boys I have dated, he is way nicer. I know I should not categorize all boys as jerks, but something just does not feel right. Also, every time he calls me “babe” or “hun” it sounds forced or in-genuine. He is often late to pick me up because he takes more time to get ready than I do. It is always really awkward when we kiss and I always have to make the first move. Should I confront him on my suspicions, or just wait to see how things play out? Help a sista out!

-Dazed with Confused

Dear Dazed with Confused,

If you have no actual evidence of him being gay other than your own suspicions then you really have no reason to be the one to say it. Yes, guys can be jerks, but that does not mean that they all are. And the same goes with girls. It is obvious you like him, but do not overthink things when a good guy finally comes along. Just because he is nice and takes longer to get ready does not mean you can categorize him as gay. That is just not right. I do not think you should confront him at all because your suspicions could really just be some crazy idea you have in your head and it could really ruin your relationship. You know how they always say you have to go through all the wrong guys before you reach the right one? Maybe he is just the right one. Be happy he wants to look good and take care of himself because he is probably doing it all to look good for you! Wait to see how things go and if you still feel this way, then maybe it’s you, not him. Maybe you just do not like him as much as you thought you did and you’re subconsciously looking for flaws to convince yourself of it. If this is not the case, then maybe you are just happy! So do not ruin something good over silly thoughts.

If you are having a problem and are in need of some advice, just ask Ash! Send emails to [email protected]