Animal appropriation mural angered PETA


Mason Maj

This mural was supposed to placate the ‘appropriation’ war.

By Logan Williams, Satirist

Last month was the grand unveiling of a mural just outside the auditorium doors. The mural’s original function was to draw attention away from the hideous magenta that found its way into the school, but soon after its unveiling, new issues arose. The mural, designed and painted by Mason Maj, Div. 666, depicts an owl perched on a tree branch, but has caused much controversy for its inherent animal appropriation.
“This mural in no way represents the values and tradition of Lane Tech,” Principal Anderson said, “This mural is vulgar, not politically correct, and extremely offensive to Owls of all nations, colors, and creeds. In no way does Lane Tech support this atrocity.”
The outlandish mural has put Lane on a national stage of controversy. Animal rights groups across the globe such as the Animal Liberation Brigade (ALB), In Defense of Animals (IDA), and People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), have jumped on this mishap as an opportunity to make their voices heard.
“This is exactly what’s wrong with today’s society,” a spokesman for PETA said. “This tasteless mural perpetuates stereotypes about Owls. It shows a complete disregard for the rich, fruitful history of the Owl. It disgusts us to know that people are still so ignorant to these issues.”
These organizations, along with other concerned citizens, have begun numerous letter writing campaigns to not only remove the mural, but to also reform the slanderous policies of Lane that supposedly endorse animal appropriation.
“We’ve received mail calling us horrible things,” Anderson said. “They call us anything from bigots to specie-supremacists. It’s been a rough few weeks.”
In such a difficult time, assistant principal Mr. Ara was called on to fix the situation. Ara was responsible for the newly colored staircases, auditorium, and classrooms that everyone loves so much. So, with an impressive resume, Ara made the executive call to replace the Owl mural with something far less controversial.
“We felt terrible about the incident with the Owl mural,” Ara explained, “we wanted the world to know that Lane Tech doesn’t endorse any type of animal appropriation. We pride ourselves in being politically correct and that is why we replaced the Owl with an Indian…I mean ‘Native American’ mural instead. The mural will feature a Native American donned in a headdress, decorated in face paint, and completely naked except for a single loincloth. ”
The commotion soon died down with the installment of the Indian mural, and Lane officially proved to the world that it does not endorse stereotypes of any kind.