Elephant in the Classroom


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  A column dedicated to examining those awkward high school situations

 

By Cody Lee

 

I don’t know about you guys, but I’d prefer not to login to Facebook and be fed with a million mushy Valentine’s Day statuses. Stalking people’s profiles isn’t even fun these days (and trust me, I LOVE stalking profiles). But only seeing posts like “All I have for Valentine’s Day is my ice cream” gets pretty boring. Seriously, what is everyone’s deal? It’s a pointless, Hallmark-made holiday that leaves everyone depressed and heartbroken. Even the movie “Valentine’s Day” sucked.

I would say that Valentine’s is all right if you have a significant other, but that’s not even true. You have to worry about where to take him/her, what you guys are going to do, what you’re going to wear, and what present to bring along with you. You go out and spend $10,000 on your little date, when on any other day it would have been equally romantic to just stay in and order chinese food. But hey, if you’re going to partake in the festivities, you might as well take it to a whole new level. Go way over the top. I’m talkin’ buy your valentine a pony. Who doesn’t love ponies? Or take him/her to the Taj Mahal. Or wait… my best idea yet, rent Mini-Me and take him along on your date (check it out, you can actually rent that lil’ guy: www.globaltalentbooking.com/booking-verne-troyer-mini-me). Whatever your plans might be with your sweetheart, remember that it’s Valentine’s Day! The most important day of the year…right?!

And for those WITHOUT a lover, ouch. Valentine’s Day is not the best day for you. You have to sit around and watch other people look especially happy while you go home, eat chocolate ice cream, and cry yourself to sleep. But I say, do something different. Maybe try to rally some folks up and stage an anti-love protest. Downtown. Wearing all black. In the middle of the day. Wielding molotov cocktails. Nothing says “Valentine Shmalintine” more than a protest like that. Here’s an even better plan: Every couple that you see, just scream at them. Get all up in their grill. You can yell “get a room” or simply “I hate you”, either one works perfectly fine. If you’re alone on Valentine’s you might as well ruin it for everyone else…right?!

For me, I have a girlfriend. I’m going to take her on a surprise date to the movies to see Star Wars: Episode 1- The Phantom Menace 3D. We both love Obi-Wan Kenobi. Then after, I’m going to let her get anything she wants from Burger King. Oh man I’m so excited! I know she’s going to love it! I hope she doesn’t read this but I just can’t wait. Valentine’s Day rocks! I love it, I love it, I love it!

Oh wait, did I just write that out loud…? I meant that Valentine’s Day stinks. Sorry, I was just getting a little caught up in the moment.

But on some real levels right now, don’t be too serious about Valentine’s Day. Don’t give in to all the hype…it’s just a day. So can you please do me and my newsfeed a favor and stop with all of the Valentine’s talk, we’re growing a little tired of it. Thanks.

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