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Desperate CPS to employ robots for teachers

Technology is now far enough to make robots cheap enough to staff every classroom at Lane.

By Zach Holloway, Satirist

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PHOTO COURTESY OF Jeff Keyzer

PHOTO COURTESY OF Jeff Keyzer

The Board of Education for the Chicago Public Schools will be implementing robots to help aid the teaching at many of their schools, with the hopes that they may all together replace teachers.

The robots are a variation of the Robosem, a telepresence-focused robot developed by Intel that is designed to teach English in countries where English teachers are scarce. However, this prototype is much more complex, and can teach a wide array of advanced subjects.

This move by CPS is mainly in an attempt to forgo their REACH program, the protocol used to evaluate CPS teachers, after seeing a stall in the improvement of statistics.

“Instead of putting immense pressure on our teachers to meet our statistical demands, we are attempting to program robots to do the job that we want to accomplish,” a CPS representative said. “They are virtually perfect.”

These teaching robots are designed with a human-like face and are even able to portray thirty different facial expressions. They are programmed with each lesson using artificial intelligence software, and can interact with their students using an interface much similar to Apple’s Siri.

“If, while observing our programmed teachers, they appear to malfunction or are not producing the best results possibly, we can simply send them over to our tech support and have them repaired and re-calibrated,” continued the representative. “This will save a significant amount of time and money.”

The robots will be the most rigorous teachers CPS students have yet to encounter, striving to improve statistic at all neighborhood and selective-enrollment schools. They are predicted to be in use by the 2019 school year.

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1 Comment

One Response to “Desperate CPS to employ robots for teachers”

  1. Sherry on June 4th, 2016 10:11 am

    Hopefully this is a joke, since it falls under the Satire heading…..Our students don’t need even more isolation from interaction with human beings. The use of cell phone texting and social media has already impacted face to face communication in a huge way. I fear this generation are becoming truly socially awkward when it comes to being in a crowd and interacting.

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Desperate CPS to employ robots for teachers